Is it too soon or late to say that I don’t even care who Ashley picks, if she picks anyone or if she makes it through the After the Final Rose show without needing a straight jacket? At this point, it is a complete and total train wreck. I can’t look away because at any moment something crazy is going to happen that may, on the off chance, be worth seeing. Plus, what else have we got to watch on Monday nights? Reruns or Train Wreck? Advantage: Train Wreck.
Winners
ME – Finally, after 5 weeks of waiting, P-E-C-K-S! To say I enjoyed every last minute of the murdering of the art of Muay Thai fighting would be a gross understatement. I sat there staring gape-mouthed at the TV like a large-mouth bass as all those guys paraded across the screen shirtless in those little fight shorts. Redeemed.
Losers
Bachelorette Date Coordinator – Again, poor choices. This has to be the same person who had the idea for the roast. You put 8 guys, boxing gloves, a girl, some roses, testosterone, and all you get is a bad scene and a trip to the hospital.
William – Finally, you’re over and out. He showed a complete lack of class for someone who is supposed to be 30. He was right when he said “I’m a 30 year old boy.” Enjoy your time in Never Neverland. Spoiler: He will be a contestant on the next season of Bachelor Pad.
Post Fight Commentary
Blake vs. Lucas – There’s not much to say about this one. Of all the fights, they looked like the picked up the technique the best. Blake correctly defended Lucas’ leg kick by grabbing his leg, making Lucas fall to the mat. After that, Blake continued to throw punches and I think Lucas may have tapped out. Winner: Blake
Mickey vs. J.P. – First, this was a poor match-up. Mickey has to have a good 5 or 6 inches on J.P. If that’s true, it would mean that Mickey would have just about that much difference in arm reach. In a word picture, it would be an orangutan fighting a T-Rex. Despite that, J.P. was scrappy and came back from the brink of defeat to win. Advantage: T-Rex. Winner: J.P.
Ames “The Catfish” vs. Ryan P. “Solar Panel” – Solar Panel pummeled the pacifist inside The Catfish. Ames got his clock cleaned and was sent to the hospital. This fight worked out well for Solar Panel. Judging from last week, a lot or all of the guys are tired of him and probably would have jumped at the chance to knock his lights out. Winner?: Ryan P.
Nick vs. Constantine – Constantine didn’t seem to pose much a threat for Nick. Nick is bigger and in better shape than Constantine, but Nick took a straight right to the face and seemed to be done with this fighting. Winner: Constantine
Visually Assaulted
Week after week, I am visually assaulted by the excessive display of V-neck t-shirts. Note: This is another reason for my Peck Rain Dance. Yet, more assaulting than the abuse of the V-necks are the short skits on Ashley. Granted, she is a dancer and she does have nice legs despite being bow-legged as a jaybird, however, this in no way means that she needs to wear the shortest skirts made on the planet. Nobody wants to see your business and we’ve come dangerously close to seeing it on several occasions. If you can’t put your knees together, then skirts might not be the best apparel option for you. Just sayin’.
Bachelor Game Standings
79 – Allison
71 – Kevin
71 – Vicki
68 – Alex – He was tripped up by Nick’s exit.
Kudos to the Bachelorette editors: You had us all fooled with the Group Date Rose. We thought Ashley was sitting with Lucas and left him to go get the rose, but it was Blake. No bonus points this week.
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