25 Things about Me: #23

23. I have fallen asleep in my car a red light.

Fact: I have pulled what has been dubbed a David Boston.

David Boston was a player for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. During his tenure in Tampa, he was arrested for being found passed out in his Range Rover at a red light in St. Petersburg. The vehicle was running and in drive. Wow, right!

Upon hearing the story, Allison, Kevin, and I ran with it. Now when we’re at a red light and the person in front of us takes a little while to move, we yell, “Go David Boston!” It’s quite fun.

Now to how I actually pulled a David Boston: I’m not sure how I became asleep or how long I was out, but it happened. I was on my way home from work and I was out like a light. No one honked or yelled,  “Move it, David Boston!” Somehow, I came to and moved along. Crisis averted. No need to post a bond.

25 Things about Me: #21

21. I feel that civilization is validated by the existence of Target and I have a Target ranking system.

Civilization is truly validated by the existence of a Target.

When I started my job at Family First, back in 2008, I was sent to Charleston, SC for a week long training session for our database software, The Raiser’s Edge. I was there all by myself and I need to find something familiar to home and it was a Target.

Getting to the Target in Charleston is a whole other story that I’m sure I will tell you soon, but for now I’ll say it was part of a weeklong adventure I had in a street-signless city. Being a persistent one, I made it to the Target unscathed. As I approached it, I screamed. I had found civilization. I did the normal walking around aimlessly, looking for nothing, wanting everything, but I had the sweet limitation of not being a home, so I couldn’t load up a cart.

 When I walked into the Target, I quickly discerned that this particular Target was a “D” Target on my Target grading scale. Oh, what is The V. Grimes’ Target Grading Scale, you may ask? The V. Grimes’ Target Grading Scale is as follows:

Super Target – A

Target with extended grocery – B

Target with normal grocery – C

Target with limited grocery – D

No Target – Unacceptable/Needs Improvement

I’m sure you’re wondering why the grocery section of a Target makes or breaks the grade. Well, there is a direct correlation between the amount of real estate a Target gives grocery and the rest of the store. i.e. - The bigger the grocery section, the more stuff you think you want, but don’t really need is readily available. I prefer not to go to “D” stores. “D” stores never, ever have what I think I should want and in true “D” store fashion, they didn’t have what I wanted nor what I needed. I left with a substitute for what I needed and a few things that would fit in my carry-on that I wanted.

I can remember when Panama City got their Target store. I came out of there with no less than $50.00 worth of items I no more needed than another hole in my head. I’m sad to report that hasn’t changed over the years. Dang you, Target and your glowing red target sign. I get lost in its glow every time.

25 Things about Me: #20

20. My first job was as a paper carrier for the Panama City News Herald. Thanks Mom! I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.

I was spending the summer at Daddy’s when I got the call from Mother that she had gotten me a job. Now what she said to me on the phone and what I actually heard were two different things. I heard, “Vicki, I got you a job at the News Herald” and what she said was, “Vicki, I got you a job delivering newspapers for the News Herald.” After I processed what she actually said, I understood her to say “Vicki, you and I are going to be delivering newspapers at the crack of dawn.” Great.

It was my senior year of high school. I had to be up at 5:30am every, and I mean every, morning, rain or shine, go get my papers from the News Herald and deliver them to my customers. Then I came home and got ready for school. Sometimes, Mother would do the Saturday deliveries by herself. When I heard her stirring on Saturdays, I would pray while still in my bed that she wouldn’t wake me up. Most of the time she didn't, but I rarely got to miss a Sunday.

Having to be up at the crack of dawn meant that I had an early curfew. It was 10:30pm. So being a senior and having to be in that early, it put a slight cramp in my social life. Although, the gas I would have wasted cruising up and down the Panama City Beach strip was used in my gainful employment.

It wasn’t glamorous, but I’m sure it wasn’t the worse job I could have had at that age. I don’t remember making any money and I’m sure that was because Mother got her cut first. I’m alright with that. She did do most of the work.

25 Things about Me: #18

18. I watch entirely too much television, but love watching it with Allison, Alex and Kevin!

I heart TV. There I said it.

I cannot get enough TV.  The new shows, old shows, reality shows, not so much daytime shows, but definitely nighttime shows. If it’s on, then I’ve got to watch.

Allison, Alex and Kevin and I get together no less than 2 to 3 nights a week, depending on what shows are on. I can’t remember when we started getting together for TV, but I can’t remember when we weren’t.

These are the shows currently in rotation:

Mondays

The Bachelorette - This is our guilty pleasure show and it’s back starting next Monday, May 23rd. We can be honest with each other and say that this show has seen better days. So until they show’s producers decide to put new blood in as the bachelor or bachelorette, we’ve taken it upon ourselves to make it more interesting by developing our own game.

I create a book for each person that contains the pictures of each of the available suitors. There is some space for note-taking and a box for voting. Just before the rose ceremony, we pause the show and select which guys we think she’ll give a rose to. For each correct selection, you get a point. Bonus points are also available if you can correctly pick who will get the group date roses. We collect points each week and at the finale, we use a jeopardy-style wagering system to determine the winner of our game. It’s great fun and can cause quite an uproar in the group. I am the reigning champion, but if you ask Alex, he swears there were shenanigans during the finale and I have an asterisk next to my win. Can you guess who I defeated for the championship?

NOTE: We DO NOT watch this show LIVE. So, don’t text me on Monday nights about it. I don’t want to be disqualified from my own game.

Tuesdays

Glee – We are Gleeks. We love the music and hang on every moment just waiting for all the politically incorrect bombs that could be spoken at any moment.

Raising Hope – If you’re not watching, you should start. It is a hilarious new comedy on FOX that will have you rolling.

The Voice – This show is a breath of fresh air in the genre of singing competitions. The premise is different and the coaches, Adam Levine, Cee-Lo, Christina Aguilera, and Blake Shelton, make for a great TV. I can’t wait to see how it will end.

Wednesdays

American Idol – Duh.

Modern Family – If you’re not watching this show, you’re behind the times. Get with it. Guess what? Funny.

Our TV watching card is about to overload with the addition of the return of So You Think You Can Dance on Thursdays. We’ve decided to bump Wednesdays for Thursday viewing of Modern Family.

Other shows we’ve watched together include, but are not limited to:

The Office

Grey’s Anatomy

Private Practice

Chuck

Heroes (RIP)

Entourage

East Bound and Down

Friday Night Lights (RIP)

24 (RIP)

LOST (RIP and Good Riddance!)

Flight of the Conchords (RIP)

I watch a lot more TV than these shows listed. I don’t have cable at my house, so I employ HULU.com to do all of my TV watching. This is a great site and if you don’t mind waiting 24 hours to see a show, it’s free! Stay tuned for my commentary - Shows You Should Watch, but You’re Probably Not.

25 Things about Me: #17

17. When I get mad, I shake my fist and yell, “I shake my fist at you!”

Fact: I like to have the people around me feel a constant threat of violence. I want them thinking that at any moment I could be shaking my fist and the next, quickly extend my elbow for a “lights out effect”. I find it reduces a lot of unnecessary interruptions that may happen during any given day.

The fist shake has a lot of applicable situations, but here are 2, of the cuff:

In traffic – It is probably less effective than giving someone “the finger”. However, the fist shake is less offensive and in this day and age, I feel a lot safer just shaking my fist. I don’t want to get shot out there.

When someone ask you to do something that need a quick turnaround – My old boss has been the latest victim of this type of fist shake. I did, in this instance, have to give him the fist shake in an email, but he knew what I meant:

I would admonish you to use forethought when shaking your fist at someone. Before shaking your fist, you should:

Consider your victim – Do you know this person? At what level of intimacy? Stranger, acquaintance or close confidant? Can they handle a fist shake? The level of intimacy in your relationship will determine whether or not a fist shake can play. I find that no one is exempt from the need of a good fist shake, but you might be more discerning.

Consider the offense – At what level of fist shaking will be needed to convey at what level you are irritated. Moderate fuming may warrant a verbal warning with no fist shake. All out unholy rage, my warrant a totally obnoxious fist shake accompanied by yelling from the depths of your bowels. You be the judge.

Consider your surroundings – Are there innocent bystanders? Will there be friendly fire? Again, for me, there are no exceptions. This lends to the consistent threat of violence.

There you have it. You’ve been given a great gift. Use it wisely.

25 Things about Me: #15

15. I hate with an unholy rage people who do not put shopping carts in the cart corral.

Here are the top 5 things I hate with an unholy rage. I’m only going to list these five because I don’t want to blow all my blog material on this one blog.

1. Auburn

2. V-neck T-shirts

3. Jeff Fisher (totally and completely irrational, I know)

4. Baking (moving up from a lower ranking with a complete demolishment of my goodwill)

5. Not putting shopping carts in a cart corral

As you can see, for me, there are only a few things that are worse than leaving your cart outside the cart corral.  It’s just a common courtesy.

Picture if you will… I come over to your home and borrow a pair of shoes. I wear them around and when I’m finished with the shoes, instead of returning them to your home, I leave them in your front yard. Now picture another 50 pairs of shoes littered all over your yard. Not all at once, but several scattered all over the place every hour on the hour. See how frustrating that would be?  That’s how daunting I liken the prospect of having to corral all those errant carts left outside a cart corral.

You could also look at it this way. With all the carts roaming free throughout the parking lot, they are more likely to bang into your car and leave a dent or take up that valuable up-front parking space. Don’t you value your car or the car of others? Wouldn’t you want your walk to the store to be a short distance? Solution: Carts in cart corral.

I hear you saying to yourself, “Some stores I frequent don’t have a cart corral.” I hear you and would say that you might want to consider shopping at a different store or be prepared to return the cart back to the store yourself. I take that very dilemma into consideration when deciding where I will shop.

The following are my tips to remedy the temptation to leave your cart anywhere except in a cart corral:

1. Buy only what you can carry with your 2 hands. Granted, this will not work for those of you shopping for a large family, unless you plan on making a trip to the store every day. If that’s not going to work for you then maybe consider a family fun day at the grocery store. Hey, the more hands, the less need to take a cart out to your car and leave outside the cart corral.

2. Park close to the corral. This will eliminate a lot of steps for returning the cart to the corral or having to return the cart back to the store.

3. Take advantage of the bag person. Should you have any inkling that you don’t think you can make the extra steps to the cart corral or to return the cart back to the store, then accept that bag person’s offer to help you out to your car. Guess what? They’ll take it back for you.

Another thing I’d like to stress is being a good cart-returning example. When I arrive at a store that uses carts and I spy an errant cart that has been left out of the corral, I first, “bless” the person that left it and then, take it in with me. If I see someone committing the act of leaving an errant cart, my first instinct is to glare at them, but then I will ask if I can take it in for them. I’m always hoping that my actions will inspire people to be more cart-responsible and return the carts to the proper place – the cart corral. Here is how I’m influencing others.

My advice: Avoid the glare. Just do it!

Here are the other revealed 25 things:

1. I was almost born in the vault at the Alabama State Capital.

2. I fear that my appendix will spontaneously burst and I will die.

3. I am allergic to plastic silverware.

4. I have an ungodly love of cake.

5. I thought that my dad was the actor who played Mike Brady on the Brady Bunch.

6. The first lie I remember telling.
7. When I was about 3 or 4, I dreamed I was visited by Tinker Bell.

8.  I always knew I was my Papa’s favorite granddaughter.

9. I love Alfred Hitchcock movies.

10. I am horrible at staying in touch with friends.

11. My Mom and Dad did most of the work on my 4H projects.

12. I had my right hand ripped open by my cousin’s pit bull, Bud.

Honorable Mentions - #13, #16, #19, #22, and #24

14. My thoughts and words are rarely censored.

25 Things about Me: #14

14. My thoughts and words are rarely censored.

That isn’t necessarily true. I do think about what I’m going to say and judge how what I might say could be received, but most of the time, I say it anyway. Nine times out of ten, what I say is exactly what everyone else it thinking. They just don’t have the where with all to say it. So, which is worse, thinking it and not saying it or just saying it? For me, it’s definitely thinking and not saying.

Thinking and not saying leads to the obvious question: If I stand silent,

- how will someone know that they have something on their face or in their teeth?

- how will a random lady know her dress or worse, toilet paper is tucked into their underwear?

- how are people supposed to know that their outfit is ill-advised?

- how is someone supposed to know that the sound of their voice makes people’s skin crawl and they should think about being silent when around others?

The situations are limitless. You never know what I might say and if you keep following this blog, you’ll find this to be the case. 

Here are the other revealed 25 things:

1. I was almost born in the vault at the Alabama State Capital.

2. I fear that my appendix will spontaneously burst and I will die.

3. I am allergic to plastic silverware.

4. I have an ungodly love of cake.

5. I thought that my dad was the actor who played Mike Brady on the Brady Bunch.

6. The first lie I remember telling.

7. When I was about 3 or 4, I dreamed I was visited by Tinker Bell.

8.  I always knew I was my Papa’s favorite granddaughter.

9. I love Alfred Hitchcock movies.

10. I am horrible at staying in touch with friends.

11. My Mom and Dad did most of the work on my 4H projects.

12. I had my right hand ripped open by my cousin’s pit bull, Bud.

Honorable Mentions - #13, #16, #19, #22, and #24

They Can’t All Be Winners - 25 Things about Me: #13, #16, #19, #22, and #24

When you think about coming up with 25 things that people may or may not know about you, the task can be daunting. After about 10 or 11, in my case 13, you start grasping at straws. Here are the honorable mentions:

13. I cannot, for the life of me, wrap my brain around taxes, buying a house or buying a car.

Yes, that is a lot of advanced mathematics and abstract thinking. My brain wasn’t configured for that. It is for that reason, I will, until further notice, e-file my taxes, rent living quarters and drive the Little Red Wonder until her wheels or some other part falls off. Knock on wood and God forbid.

16. I prefer that my PJs match my bedding.

This doesn’t happen as often as it used to and thinking further on it, it was dumb to even say that out loud.

19. If I have any free time, I’m usually sleeping.

Word. I’ve perfected the art of the cat nap. An art passed down from my Papa to my Mother and from her on to me. If sleeping were a sport, I’d be an All American. However, writing a blog is coming in a close second.

22. I don’t like to go out on Friday night.

Lame, but it’s true. Although if something fantastic is happening, I wouldn’t shake my fist at it.

24. I had a canopy bed when I was little and I thought pirates lived on the top.

Turns out it wasn’t pirates, but a shadow made from my Bozo the Clown nightlight.  I don’t know which was scarier, the pirates or the Bozo the Clown nightlight.

25 Things about Me: #12

12. I had my right hand ripped open by my cousin’s pit bull, Bud.

The events were these: My family was visiting my grandparents in Montgomery, Alabama for some random occasion. My two older cousins, Becky and Keli, were there and they had a pit bull named Bud that stayed at my grandparent’s house.

Becky, Keli, and Joe were out on the back porch playing with Bud and I was making myself useful by sweeping the dirt from the porch, when I notice Bud nipping at Becky’s hand. Well, I gave Bud a gentle swat on his hind in with the broom hoping that would make him stop. It did not, so I hit him a little harder. I know what you’re thinking, “Not a good idea, Grimes!” and you’re so right. The next thing I know that dog had his teeth clamped down on my right hand and we were playing tug of war with it. He was going one way and I was trying to pull my hand out of his mouth. I screamed bloody murder and Mother came running out after me. Bud finally let go of my hand and she scooped me up, put me in our van and we were headed with Daddy to the ER. 

Once there, they took me right in and put me on a table. The doctor proceeded to check out my hand to see that, even though the top of my hand was ripped open, everything inside was intact.  It was fine, but I was obviously going to need a few stitches. Getting stitches was going to require some novocain injected directly into my open wound and that’s exactly what they did. Yeah, it hurt, but it was hurt on top of hurt at that point. I got three stitches for my trouble and eventually a very nice scar.

When we got back to my grandparent’s house, I showed off my battle wound and Mother beat that dog. Now you dog people who maybe reading this, don’t get it twisted.  The dog lived to bite another day, just not anyone in my family. Papa ended up giving Bud away and I’m sure Mother had something to do with it.

It was my own fault, but sadly the injury ended my future as a hand model.

How the Heck Did You Get Here?

No, this isn’t a platform to debate creation versus evolution.  So, check your Darwin at the door. My question is how did you get here - to my blog?

There’s a nifty thing on that I have on the backside of my blog. It’s the stats. I can see when peeps are peeping at my blog, what they are reading or pepping at and even where peeps are coming from, like Facebook, Twitter, or some other method. It also tells me where in the world these peeps are when they are peeping, which is really interesting. Of course most of my peeps are here in the US however, I’ve had a handle full of peeps from the other side of the world.

My blog has only been up for almost a month and I’ve had peeps from the UK, Germany, Sweden, India, Malaysia and Singapore check out my blog. It’s wild to think that someone across the globe may or may not be belly laughing at my musings. It didn’t cross my mind to think that I could be global.

Well, however you got here, I’m sure glad that you did. I hope you’re enjoying it as much as I am. If you care to, leave me a comment and tell me how on earth you got to my blog.

Side note: Another interesting thing I see in the stats is the keyword searches that have brought peeps to my blog. Two peeps came to my blog by using the keywords: monkey cleaning and raw streak in cake. That’s outstanding and totally random. I love it!

25 Things about Me: #11

11. My Mom and Dad did most of the work on my 4H projects.

When we lived in Vidalia, Louisiana, I was a member of a service organization called 4H. 4H stands for heads, heart, hands, and health. Each quarter, members would to sign up for service or learning projects. At the end of the quarter, there was a 4H fair where they would show off what they’d learn or created.

One quarter, I decided to sign up for sewing and woodworking because my Mother is handy with the sewing machine and my Daddy is a master wood craftsman. I am sure that when I sign up for these projects, that I had every intention of doing the lion share of the work and my parents would assist me. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

My sewing project was to make an apron with the supplied pattern. I could pick out the fabric and the embellishment, but the apron had to be made to the pattern. Picking out the fabric, rick-rack, and ironing the seams were the only things I was allowed to do on that apron. Mother did the rest. I think she may have let me press the pedal on the sewing machine once or twice, so that if I was asked point blank if I sewed this apron, I wouldn’t have to lie.  Here’s how it turned out. This picture was taken very, very early in the morning. I remember my Mother coming in and telling me to get up quick and put this dress on so she could take a picture of me with the apron on. This is why I look so pleased and my cowlick (the funny part in my hair) is raging.

As for the woodworking project, I was to make a birdhouse. All I can say about that birdhouse is the closest I came to making it was this staged picture. Notice my Daddy in his Army uniform because that’s normally what he wore when he was woodworking.

Needless to say, for a girl my age, there was no way I built those birdcage because it had mitered corners and could probably withstand a tornado.

PS: Both of these pictures were taken the same morning with the help of a quick wardrobe change.

Other projects I conquered were:

Childcare - I was to develop a children’s board game to use while babysitting.  Result: FAIL. How did you know?

Cooking – Cook a main dish. With my Mother’s help, we made a Sheppard’s Pie. I got first place at the Local fair and got third place, cookbook and a crisp $5 bill at the Regional fair. Result: WIN.

Most of that stuff didn’t stick with me for long. Sewing: I can’t sew to save my life and working a sewing machine is out of the question. I am a wiz with a button and no-sew tape. Woodworking: negative. The closest I come to it is drawing plans for pieces of furniture I want Daddy to build for me. Childcare: I laugh in its face. I love the kids I love and will take care of them and them alone.

Cooking is the only one that stuck with me. I’m a great cook and it all began with Sheppard’s Pie.

Here are the other revealed 25 things:

1. I was almost born in the vault at the Alabama State Capital.

2. I fear that my appendix will spontaneously burst and I will die.

3. I am allergic to plastic silverware.

4. I have an ungodly love of cake.

5. I thought that my dad was the actor who played Mike Brady on the Brady Bunch.

6. The first lie I remember telling.

7. When I was about 3 or 4, I dreamed I was visited by Tinker Bell.

8.  I always knew I was my Papa’s favorite granddaughter.

9. I love Alfred Hitchcock movies.

10. I am horrible at staying in touch with friends.

25 Things about Me: #10

10. I am horrible at staying in touch with friends.

It is one of my most horrible character traits.

I don’t know how else to put it. There are lots of people that I’ve known in my life that I wish I were still in touch with, but just haven’t. I guess time, distance and life got in the way and I know that is no excuse.  If anything, it makes me a horrible friend.

Once you’ve lost contact, there’s no how-to guide of getting back in touch. Facebook has helped a little. I’ve reconnected with some even if it is in this remote way. Even though I may not speak to them, I can still check in on them and see what they are going. I hope you’re checking in on me, too.

Please know that if you and I are/were at one time friends, I think about you and hope you are doing well.

Here are the other revealed 25 things:

1. I was almost born in the vault at the Alabama State Capital.

2. I fear that my appendix will spontaneously burst and I will die.

3. I am allergic to plastic silverware.

4. I have an ungodly love of cake.

5. I thought that my dad was the actor who played Mike Brady on the Brady Bunch.

6. The first lie I remember telling.

7. When I was about 3 or 4, I dreamed I was visited by Tinker Bell.

8.  I always knew I was my Papa’s favorite granddaughter.

9. I love Alfred Hitchcock movies and hope to collect all of them on DVD. I’m very close.

25 Things about Me: #9

9. I love Alfred Hitchcock movies and hope to collect all of them on DVD. I’m very close.

I can thank Mother for this one. She is the one that first exposed me to Hitchcock. It was probably an unlikely choice for family movie night, but we charged on. She would get the Soft Batch cookies, some milk, and we all would gather to watch.

The first Hitchcock movie I saw was Psycho. At time I couldn’t be more than 10, and needless to say, it took a little while before I took a shower by myself.

Looking back, and after seeing this movie a bunch of times, there are really only 3 “scary scenes” in the whole movie: the shower scene, the staircase scene with Mr. Abrogast, and the scene in the fruit cellar. The rest of the movie is suspenseful, which is done best by Hitchcock. Sorry, if I’ve spoiled the movie for you.

Last year, I took my friends, Becky and Tracy, to see Psycho at the Tampa Theatre.  I was excited to see the movie in a theatre, much like you would when it first was released. They did not share in my excitement. I reassured them that is wasn’t scary and that I would warn them when the true scary scenes were coming. It did little to ease their worries and at the end of the movie, I was still the only fan.

Some of my other favorites from Hitchcock are Rebecca, Vertigo, and all the Grace Kelly movies:  Dial M for Murder, Rear Window, and To Catch a Thief. My least favorite, because they all can’t be winners, is The Birds. I take issue with the non-ending of it all.

Of Hitchcock’s 53 movies, I’ve seen almost half and yes, it’s seems to be a strange obsession. As for the DVDs, I’m about 10 short.

Here are the other revealed 25 things:

1. I was almost born in the vault at the Alabama State Capital.

2. I fear that my appendix will spontaneously burst and I will die.

3. I am allergic to plastic silverware.

4. I have an ungodly love of cake.

5. As a young girl, I thought that my dad was the actor who played Mike Brady on the Brady Bunch.

6. The first lie I remember telling was when I broke a window of the house playing tennis with a bouncy ball and trivets. I blamed it on my brother.

7. When I was about 3 or 4, I dreamed I was visited by Tinker Bell.

8.  I always knew I was my Papa’s favorite granddaughter.

25 Things about Me: #8

8. I always knew I was my Papa’s favorite granddaughter.

I am the third granddaughter on my Mother’s side of our family. My two older cousins were daughters of my Mother’s oldest brother. The three of us were our grandparents’ little stair steps. I was the runt and like any litter of puppies, the runt was always the sweetest and got the most attention. That was true in this case. Now, if you know me, it might be hard to imagine that, at one time in my life, I was sweet, but I was. I’m still sweet, but not near as often as I used to be.

I tended to get a lot of my Papa’s attention because of that and the fact that my older cousins tended to have rowdy and rebellious spells. We were like peas and carrots. One of my favorite things from when I was little was when he would come, pick me up from school and take me to McDonalds. While there, it wasn’t Happy Meals for us. We dined on Quarter Pounders and fried apple pies. Those were the best days.

Another thing is I like to think that my Papa passed on to my Mother and then she on to me was the value of a cat nap. At one moment, he’d be awake doing the crossword puzzle of the TV Guide and then the next, out like a light. This is my one of my favorite pictures of him.

I loved my Papa and he loved him some Vicki. He went home to be with the Lord in 2006. I miss him every day.



Here are the other revealed 25 things:

1. I was almost born in the vault at the Alabama State Capital.

2. I fear that my appendix will spontaneously burst and I will die.

3. I am allergic to plastic silverware.

4. I have an ungodly love of cake.

5. As a young girl, I thought that my dad was the actor who played Mike Brady on the Brady Bunch.

6. The first lie I remember telling was when I broke a window of the house playing tennis with a bouncy ball and trivets. I blamed it on my brother.

7. When I was about 3 or 4, I dreamed I was visited by Tinker Bell.

25 Things about Me: #7

7. When I was about 3 or 4, I dreamed, even though at that age you couldn’t tell me that it wasn’t real, I was visited by Tinker Bell. I got a bloody nose when she went behind my headboard as I chased her. To this day, I’m a little scared of her.

Like I said, you couldn’t have told me that it wasn’t real. As an adult, I know that I was dreaming, but then, as a child, that heifer flew into my bedroom and taunted me. I’m sure it was probably a Sunday night and I had probably watched the Wonderful World of Disney on our TV. It would have been then that she was planted into my subconscious, as Tinker Bell always flew in during the credits with her wand and sprinkle fairy dust all over the castle. It was the makings of a disaster.

As I remember it, I awoke to look out my window to see something sparkly lingering outside. Before I knew it, Tinker Bell, then already in my room, was hovering over my bed where I lay.

When I reached out to grab her, she flew behind my headboard. I gave chase and didn’t see the wall there. I banged my nose on the wall and which, at the rate of speed I gave chase, caused my nose to bleed. I screamed for my mother and she was quick to come, clean me up and calm me down.

As for still being scared of her to this day, I would.

Here are the other revealed 25 things:

1. I was almost born in the vault at the Alabama State Capital.

2. I fear that my appendix will spontaneously burst and I will die.

3. I am allergic to plastic silverware.

4. I have an ungodly love of cake.

5. As a young girl, I thought that my dad was the actor who played Mike Brady on the Brady Bunch.

6. The first lie I remember telling was when I broke a window of the house playing tennis with a bouncy ball and trivets. I blamed it on my brother.

25 Things about Me: #6

6. The first lie I remember telling was when I broke a window of the house playing tennis with a bouncy ball and trivets. I blamed it on my brother.

It went down like this:

I’m not quite sure how old we were, but it was between 1980 and 1985. This was when we lived in Vidalia, LA and it is the scene of this lie. My brother, Joe, is 4 years younger than me and like little brother at that age, he would do almost anything I asked of him.

On the day of the lie, we had just procured ourselves a Smurf super bouncy ball that was about the size of a tennis ball.

We only had one, so we had to play with it together. It was my genius idea to set up a tennis match inside of our den. The den was an enclosed garage. It was long and had only one window at the short end that looked out to the street. And in front of that window, was precisely where I setup Joe to receive my first serve. We used trivets for our racquets. They looked like this only, where the flowers are in the middle, on ours there was cork.

I can’t remember how many times we actually volleyed, but I’m going to assume it wasn’t for very long. I just remember hitting the ball with my trivet and the bouncy ball hitting the cork part. You don’t need to be a Mythbusters to know that cork and a super bouncy ball is not a good combination in a confined area. Thus, the super bouncy ball went right through the window. Being that my mother was in the back of the house and because there was no direct route to the den from where she was, I knew I had just enough time to change places with Joe. Guess what? I did.  I stood in front of the window proving that I couldn’t have hit the ball into the window, but that from where Joe was, he had the one to do it. It was a complete and total framing of the little brother and to my surprise, it worked.

It wasn’t until the middle of the night, rocked with guilt, that I entered my parent’s bedroom. I stood between their twin beds and told them that I had lied. That it was in fact, me that hit the Smurf super bouncy ball and broke the window.  

If you can’t already tell, I have a little bit of trouble with my memory, so I asked my Mother about this event. When I asked her if she remembered the incident, she said, “Well I most certainly do.” Then, I asked if she remembered what my punishment was, and she couldn’t either. She assumed that it was probably the usual routine: 3 licks on my hind end and sitting in my room for 3 days. I deserved it. Nice trick, Liar.

Here are the other revealed 25 things:

1. I was almost born in the vault at the Alabama State Capital.

2. I fear that my appendix will spontaneously burst and I will die.

3. I am allergic to plastic silverware.

4. I have an ungodly love of cake.

5. As a young girl, I thought that my dad was the actor who played Mike Brady on the Brady Bunch.

25 Things about Me: #5

5. As a young girl, I thought that my dad was the actor who played Mike Brady on the Brady Bunch.

Here’s a side-by-side:

If you can’t see it, squint your eyes a little. This was before I had my glasses, so that's probably what I was doing.

Growing up, my Daddy was in the Army and spent some weekends away at drill exercises. I thought that was when he would leave and go to Hollywood to film the show. Little did I know, that The Brady Bunch was already in reruns by the time I was old enough to watch it. So I know now that was not my Daddy.

Here are the other revealed 25 things:

1. I was almost born in the vault at the Alabama State Capital.

2. I fear that my appendix will spontaneously burst and I will die.

3. I am allergic to plastic silverware.

4. I have an ungodly love of cake.

25 Things about Me: #4

4. I have an ungodly love of cake.

FACT: Cake is the greatest dessert known to man or at least this wo-man. I attribute may love of cake to my Southern upbringing. Cake is and will always be the perfect period to every meal sentence.  You haven’t finished your meal without a piece of cake bringing up the rear. More times than not, cake is often breakfast with a big glass of milk.

At my Granny’s house, during the holidays, there were no less than 4 types of cake available for eating. Among your choices were 7-Layer Chocolate, Robert E. Lee, Raisin, Red Velvet, Pecan, Hummingbird, Pound Cake, Sour Cream Pound Cake and every once and a while, just for me, Orange. Cake was ever abounding cake and I ate it. Here is a picture of me as a little girl already checking out the cake at Aunt Alice and Uncle Willie's 50th Wedding Anniversary. I'm sure that I was about to put my finger in it, but became distracted when someone wanted to take my picture.

My love of cake has been a constant over the years. I consider myself a cake snob. I won’t shake my fist at a piece of cake, but if it’s not my Granny’s or my Mother’s cakes, it will be judged on the strictest of standards. One standard is the icing to cake ratio, then of course, there is always taste and moistness.  For pound cakes, it was imperative that there be an occurrence of a raw streak and to what thickness does the raw streak occur. The raw streak is the bottom of the baking pan where the cake remains slightly uncooked when pulled out of the oven. When the pan is inverted to release the cake, the raw streak is at the top. It is the very best part of a pound cake.

When I came to Tampa, I was introduced to the next best cake since my Granny’s. It is Wright’s Gourmet’s Alpine Cake. It is a classic yellow cake with chocolate icing and it is delicious. I could put myself into a diabetic coma with the amount of that cake I can put back. And unlike Granny’s cakes, that were only available during the holidays and special visits, Wright’s makes Alpine cake EVERYDAY. Danger.  Wright’s also has another one of my favorites, Hummingbird. It is a banana and pineapple spice cake that is frosted with cream cheese icing and topped with pecans. Again, danger.

I sometimes use cake in an ibuprofen-type way. A slice of cake often helps me to feel better. I was having a bad day at work, so I decided to go pick-up an Alpine cake to help me and my co-workers feel better. Once everyone had a slice of that cake, the day went by just a little smoother. I don’t do that a lot, but every once and a while, a little piece of cake can help you smile. After the cake incident, a co-worker of mine felt compelled to make this PSA poster.

I willing posed for this picture not knowing what my co-worker had planned to do with it, but nevertheless, it was genius. I sent this picture to my Mother and she couldn’t tell that it was me. Should I die from a cake overdose, please tell my story. Save the next girl from the dangers of cake.

Here are the other revealed 25 things:

1. I was almost born in the vault at the Alabama State Capital.

2. I fear that my appendix will spontaneously burst and I will die.

3. I am allergic to plastic silverware.