Yesterday, I had the privilege of being a volunteer at the Bern’s WineFest: The Grand Tasting. I would be helping in the silent auction area with your general set-up, policing and the like.
For my out-of-town readers: Bern’s is a very swanky restaurant-type place in Tampa where people go to if:
· They’ve got about 3 hours to kill.
· They’ve got a hot date that they want to impress.
· They’re going to propose. Side note: LAME.
· They’ve either lost or won a bet of some high-stakes sort.
· They’ve got a lot of discretionary cash just lying around and they don’t know how to put to better use.
Needless to say, I’ve never eaten there.
I heard tell that this event is among the premiere wine festivals in the United States and that Bern’s boasts a rather large wine selection. Well, Tampa brought out its finest for this event. To say the people-watching was great wouldn’t even do it justice. My eyes couldn’t even behold all there was in my sightline - long gowns, short dresses, cotton, linen, seersucker, Affliction tees, suits, blazers, man satchels, hooker heels, flats, espadrilles, boobs, too much boob, no bra, shameless, even a jean onesie - the list goes on. People were dressed to the nines like there were headed to an evening cocktail hour, and then there were those who were dressed for a day at the beach or Jimmy Buffet concert. To give you a frame of reference - here is the spectrum in 2 pictures.
I also found this gentleman wearing these festive pants. If you can’t make out what that is, those are martini glasses and drink shakers. Oh, and that’s embroidery, too by the way.
Even though I was a volunteer, I was given a tasting glass. Here’s mine donned with my drinking name, Valencourt.
I used it to “sample” some wines made all over the world and distributed here in the US. I tasted mostly whites and some reds. The reds are because I’m trying to expand my wine palette. It wasn’t until I discovered the Germany area that I found my favorite wine, Riesling. I heard someone say the word Riesling and I ‘bout knocked over everyone in my way to get there.
Once there, I realized there were 4 different Rieslings available for me to sample. Guess what? I did. I quickly discerned that from the time I started sampling to the time I would have blazed through all the selections, I may, in fact, be slightly intoxicated. Upon saying that statement out loud, the lady behind the table pouring these delicious concoctions says, “Oh, you’ll find these Rieslings have very low alcohol content.” To which I said, “Then, I’m going to need another, please. Thank you.” She was a nice lady.
After finishing my journey through the better part of the German Rieslings, I put my tasting glass down. Done and done. I went back to my station in the silent auction area.
The auction was to close at 3:45pm and this Winefest had been going on since 11:00am. To say that the crowd was in a stupor would be an understatement. If you looked out over them, you could see them ebb and flow together in unison. It was a work of art.
I asked the police officer who was put in charge of watching the auction, “So, how many DUI do you think y’all will give out today?” To which he said, “Oh, from this event? Not as many as we would if it were after a Bucs’ game.” To which I thought to myself, “Really?!?! Have you seen these people? They’ve drunk so much red wine that their mouths look like they’ve sucked on a purple Crayola marker!” I laughed and thought I’d better keep that to myself.
In all, it was a good day. I got to sample some really nice and some really not nice wines. Rieslings – for the win! I sampled some exotic foods – wild boar, venison, and lamb. And I saw the limits of fashion pushed to an all new breaking point. I hope these people have invested in some really strong teeth whitening toothpaste, otherwise purple maybe the new white.
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